April 27, 2006

By Carla Saulter

Let’s face it, folks: The bus has a reputation as a less-than-sexy form of transportation. There are many reasons for this, but one of the biggest is our culture’s longstanding tradition of associating cars with sex. We are constantly bombarded with images of partially clothed women spread-eagled on hoods. People (especially men) buy nice cars to get dates. Teenagers drive to view points and “park.”

While I will admit to a definite weakness for candy paint and big wheels (blame it on my years in Houston and my fondness for its car-obsessed rappers), I don’t see anything sexy about accidents (close to 40,000 fatalities in the U.S. last year), traffic (been near 520 lately?), pollution (cars and trucks are the biggest cause of air pollution in Washington), overconsumption (Americans are 5 percent of the world’s population but use 26 percent of its petroleum), or sprawl (we’re paving over forests and farmland at an alarming rate).

The bus, on the other hand, has plenty to recommend it. Frequent riders tend to have firm glutes from all the extra walking (don’t sleep on those downtown hills). College students ride buses (try the 48, 13, or 3) and so do many of those big, strong fish-throwers at the Market. And while some women go for fancy sports cars, bus chicks dig men who try to minimize their impact on the earth.

Buses are great places to meet people. I should know; I met my fiancé on the 545. Back in the day, lucky bus riders in the Bronx rubbed elbows with Jennifer Lopez (her first album was even named for her days as a bus chick). As evidenced by the overwhelming number of incidents of bus luh, buses are also good places to steal a romantic moment. And really, what’s sexier than having a driver? For that matter, what’s sexier than a driver? Not everyone can operate such a big vehicle.

Because so few people know that riding the bus is sexier than driving, I’ve decided to embark on a campaign to change Metro’s image. Sexy bus chicks and bus boys in Seattle, I’m going to need your help. This summer, let’s follow in the footsteps of our feminist sisters and get some baby-doll/muscle T-shirts with slogans like, “This Is What a Bus Rider Looks Like.” Let’s require people to ride the bus to all of the fabulous parties we throw. Let’s get the 194 on Pimp My Ride and hook up a party bus to the airport. Let’s convince The Stranger to add “sexiest Metro driver” to its annual “Seattle’s Sexiest” issue.

Who’s with me?

I’m confident that my campaign will increase ridership, but I’m worried that it might become too successful. I don’t want to start seeing “Bikini Babes on Buses” at my local newsstand. n