October 5, 2006

by CARLA SAULTER

Ask most Seattleites to describe Hell, and you will probably get variations on a similar theme: fire, chains, something about a guy pushing a rock up a hill. Ask this weak-bladdered, bus-dependent Seattleite, and you will get a description that is infinitely more horrifying: feeling the call of nature in the middle of a ride.

Downtown is the “middle” of the ride for many bus chicks who transfer. Here are some downtown options for those who might find themselves in need en route.

The Market: If your emergency strikes before 6 p.m., there’s a public bathroom down the stairs to the left of the Pike Place Bakery. After 6, there’s a free, self-cleaning public toilet in Victor Steinbrueck Park. (Thanks, City Council! I still have nightmares about the Honey Bucket that used to be there.)

Shopping district: Anyone who was ever dragged on a shopping excursion in childhood knows that department stores always have restrooms (even if they do require an escalator ride and a trip through ladies’ lingerie). Nordstrom’s flagship store on Fifth and Pine has several. While there is no restroom on the first floor (preventing easy, off-the-street access), there is one for each gender on every other. Across the street at Pacific Place, there are bathrooms on the bottom floor (where folks who don’t know any better pay for parking) and on the top, near the theater. Closer to major bus stops are Westlake Mall (third level) and Macy’s (second floor). Both require an escalator ride (and there is something really creepy about the fluorescent hugeness of Macy’s women’s “lounge”) but the good news is, they are otherwise easy to access and relatively well maintained.

Pioneer Square: Pioneer Square is also a good place to find relief. If for some reason you miss the fancy, self-cleaning toilets in Occidental Park (thanks again, City Council!), there’s always Elliott Bay (also known as the world’s greatest bookstore). The basement café requires neither key nor purchase — only minimal baggage (tiny stalls) and a high tolerance for silly graffiti.

Other options: You are in luck if you happen to be near a hotel when your emergency strikes. Almost all major hotels have restrooms in their lobbies for the convenience of their guests. In my experience, the restrooms are not locked and are easy to find without assistance. Sit-down restaurants are also a good option. Coffee and sandwich shops usually have small restrooms that require a key or a code, but large restaurants have large, clean bathrooms and busy employees who don’t monitor every person who visits them.

And so, dear reader, roam the streets of our fair city without fear. Order the grande instead of the tall, have that second beer at lunch — secure in the notion that, should an emergency arise relief is (literally) just around the corner.

Got something to say about public transportation in Seattle? E-mail Bus Chick at buschick@gmail.com or visit blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/buschick.