February 15, 2012
Vol: 19 No: 7

Dr. Wes

Never mind the presidency: Santorum should run for Ayatollah of America

By Dr. Wes Browning

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It’s become one of those times when we should shuffle the names of our political parties again, like we did when we stopped calling people Whigs. With Obama justifying every policy reform by pointing to liberal Christian values, and the Republicans on the verge of being completely taken over by the Christian equivalent of the Taliban, we have, now, the Christian Democrats versus the Christian Theocrats.

The economy must be doing fantastic because nobody talks about it anymore. They just want to tell me they’re the real Christians, who will take this Christian nation in the Christian direction Christ would want it taken.

I’m really impressed by Rick Santorum’s latest come-from-behind sweep of Minnesota, Missouri, and Colorado. Based on that and on the cool way he manages to pull off a blend of Stan Laurel innocence and silliness with Jerry Seinfeld disdain, while all the time spouting a Christian version of Sharia that’s absolutely adorable, I hereby endorse him to be the 2012 Christian Theocratic nominee for Christian Ayatollah of the United States.

Running against Obama, Santorum’s slogan could be “We can’t do any worse!” and Obama could just recall his last election’s slogan with “Oh, yes we can!”

I could pick a dozen quotes to show why I think Santorum would be the worst president in the history of the United States, but my fave is, “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical.” Haven’t had enough stupid wars over oil? Let’s have some stupid wars over religion!

Wait, there’s another: “All the people who live in the West Bank are Israelis, they’re not Palestinians. There is no ‘Palestinian.’ This is Israeli land.”

That is the most unbelievably stupid utterance I have ever seen on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Oh, I know what he’s saying, “My God says it’s the Israelis’ land.” That’s his opinion. But you don’t disparage a whole population by saying they don’t exist, even if you don’t think they matter or have human rights. That’s shameful.

Well, now that I’ve had my say about that ugliness, let’s move on to that other focus of Christian Shariasts, Obama’s new birth control mandates.

There’s been a lot said in the media about this and I don’t want to repeat all the legal arguments. The Catholic Church and a bakery run by a family of devout Sikhs should have to comply with the same health insurance regulations.

We all got up in arms over the Citizens United decision and the notion that, since corporate freedom extends to the First Amendment and since money controls almost all media in this country, now corporations effectively have more rights than people.

The same people who brought you that idea have managed to parlay the notion that churches, not people, have religious freedom.

Obama’s mandate directly supports the religious rights of the employees in question. The employees are the people in this picture. Their rights are real. The church has rights only in so far as it consists of people. If you can’t get this, lace your fingers together and repeat after me: “Here is the church, here is the steeple, open it up and see all the people.”

The Catholic people of the church may not impose their religion on non-Catholic employees hired to do their business.

If the church doesn’t want Catholic employees to have birth control, they’re free as ever to excommunicate them.



Long-time reader, first-time commentor: While I despise politicians and especially the egomaniacs who actually want to be the President, your charge of Republicans being Christian theocrats is both laughable and scary. Laughable because they're not promoting such and scary because you think they are. Santorum sports a version of Christian Sharia? I think you've tried to solve one too many math problems. Christians who think the Palestinian state shouldn't exist (or continue to exist) are obviously wrong but don't blame Christian theology for this; it doesn't promote such. The land promise was extended to the whole Earth and it's not about land. That promised land was just a type or shadow of a bigger promise. I wouldn't expect you to know this; not only because you're a liberal but because most Christians even don't understand this. It just bugs me when people who really don't know much about Christianity, try to give lessons on it. Keep writing though.

matt | submitted on 02/23/2012, 8:42pm

Matt, while Dr. Wes is not a Christian himself, he does live with one. One who acknowledges that there are multitudinous different definitions of "Real Christianity." You think Mr. Santorum is wrong. I think he's wrong, too. That is one of many disagreements among Christians. Every time a nonchristian comments on what a particular Christian or group of Christians says or does, almost every Christian who thinks those things are wrong yells "You are misrepresenting Christianity!" Almost always, the report is completely correct about *that* Christian or Christians. I do not tell anyone "You are not a true Christian" nor do I tell anyone who has described what a particular Christian believes, "That is not Christianity!" I know that we are all heretics. None of us ever entirely agrees with another. and we all think we're right. Christianity is not one set doctrine. Christianity is a long river of conversation between many people who believe many different things. Don't blame the eavesdroppers who report on the conversation when they talk about a different view than yours. It exists. If the Christians who think like Mr. Santorum have their way, they will enforce *their* view of Christianity on all of us, nonchristians and dissenting Christians alike.

Anitra Freeman | submitted on 03/03/2012, 2:30pm

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JoshuaABB | submitted on 03/09/2012, 10:17pm

Anitra, The bible clearly defines what a Christian is. You can't be considered a Christian if you think it's a long river of conversation, which is code for believe whatever you want. Historic, orthodox Christianity is definable. One cannot call himself a follower of Jesus and not believe that he was God incarnate. A true Christian does not think Christ came to be a role model. True Christians not only believe in God, they believe God. Would you not find it ridiculous for me to say to you, "I'm a Muslim but I don't believe Mohammed is God's one true prophet"? I think anyone would agree that from this statement I am NOT truly a Muslim. So everyone is a heretic? Nobody can be saved?

matt | submitted on 03/11/2012, 1:16pm

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