I'm writing this a full week before it's due out, because Glorious Editorial Manager wants Thanksgiving Day AND Thanksgiving Weekend off, and he has the better union. Whenever I have to write a column so soon I wonder what irrelevant topic I'll write about this time. It should seem vaguely entertaining, while not having anything to do with anything recent.
One possibility was to talk about squirrels. I think squirrels can be very funny. You know the expression "squirrels away"? When I hear it I think of Seafair Pirates loading squirrels in their brass cannon, and firing it off, shouting "squirrel's away!" Technically, I'm not so amused there by the squirrel as by the apostrophe. But it's fun to imagine the squirrel's high-pitched squirrel curses as it sails through the air. Don't worry: They aim him at a tree and he lands safely. I abandon this line of thought, on the grounds that it not only has nothing to do with anything recent, it has nothing to do with anything ever.
Because I'm writing this so early, I'm not over the whole WTO Ten Year Anniversary hoopla that's sweeping Seattle, as you are. You there, with your cigarette in your rosy future one week from now. You are so blas