This past week our congregation reeled with the shock and grief over the death of a core leader who died much too young.
Indeed death sometimes comes to us as a release from seasons of pain and agony, but it can also come as an enemy that afflicts us. I write this column very much as a pastor reflecting on the practical details of death in the hope that you might find it useful.
When my wife and I turned 40 we went into our lawyer’s office and experienced the rather sober time of writing out our wills, which included our wishes for who would get custody of our two young boys. This engagement with our own mortality had as a benefit the experience of deeply thinking through the character of our relationships with family and closest friends. Despite the sobriety, I found it to be very life-affirming and revealing of my own character and values.
We also put our own house in order. At the time we had few assets in terms of money and possessions but we were able to think through what was important to us: What we ourselves wanted to leave behind as our legacy, what items we wanted to preserve and keep within the family, what treasures we wanted to gift to certain people.
Writing down one’s wishes is, I think, a great gift to those who take up the responsibility of faithful stewardship of one’s estate.
I also think it is a great gift to others to write down your thoughts about death and about the gathering of those who will mourn your passing. Jotting down favorite hymns or prayers, passages of scripture, poems and your own fondest remembrances and appreciations are wonderful gifts to leave as a legacy.
Such documents can be placed within your will, a copy sealed and given to your spiritual community or entrusted with family and closest friends. These practical aids will give comfort to others who try as best they can to remember and celebrate your life in the integrity of your spirit.
And your death is very much about others. It is those who do not pass with you who mourn and grieve and enter a season of depression.
It is the others who find themselves empty and numb and yearning for just one more conversation, one more touch of hands, one more laugh together, one more deep look into eyes that are beloved.
The gathering of others to mourn your death, to celebrate your life and to release you back into the Eternal Spirit is a holy sacrament and one of the great privileges of life. It is an honoring of the love that makes life worth living.