I’ve just been learning about DACA, the policy of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals that former President Barack Obama established and now President Donald Trump wants to end. I was led to check it out because so many people were saying that it was wrong for all those illegal immigrants to stay in this country.
So I looked up the facts and they’re stunning. DACA applies only to immigrants who arrived here when they were not 16 yet, and they had to be here since 2007. There are 800,000 such people that have applied and qualified. Do you see what that means?
It means that during the George W. Bush administration, there was an immense crime wave of juvenile delinquents smuggling themselves into America.
That’s a huge number: 800,000 child immigrants. And did you know some of these criminals were as young as a day old when they illegally entered our country? They’ve had time to get more criminal!
There isn’t a border wall yet, like the president wants to build, but you know that there is a clearly drawn double yellow line all around America and signs everywhere along the double yellow line that say in plain English that anyone including infants can understand, “If you let your parents (aka ‘mules’) take you across this line, you will be a criminal.”
How could this crime wave have happened? What did Bush do that triggered such massive law-breaking by children on his watch? Could it be because Bush studied Spanish?
As all my conservative friends have been telling me, Trump was right all along about how all the illegal immigrants — well, almost all of them (one mustn’t generalize) — are murderers, thieves and rapists. It stands to reason it must be so, because anyone who could be so criminal at the age of 4 or 6 or 10 as to break international law is on their way inevitably to greater crimes. And what laws come after international laws? What’s the next notch up? God’s laws, that’s what.
And what do people who break God’s laws do? You don’t even want to think about it. I know because nobody is talking about what these people are doing. So no one must want to think about it.
Because none of us wants to find out what these 800,000 people have actually been doing with their lives in this country, we can all make up stories about what bad hombres they are. I’ll give an example by making up an imaginary such criminal.
Let’s say there was this one kid, we’ll call her Maria, and let’s say this horrible kid criminally and with knowledge aforethought did knowingly and maliciously and intentionally allow her parents, in 2005, to fly her into this country when she was 11 years old.
While Spanish-knowing Bush conveniently looked the other way, Maria’s parents brought her to the country on a visa to study electrical engineering and vegetable husbandry, say, at Rutgers in New Jersey, and Maria criminally conspired with them to have them remain in the United States after their visas ran out. When Maria was 15, let’s say.
With that start on a life of crime, it is certain, absolutely certain, that 11-year-old Maria was destined to grow up to be the murdering, gum-chewing, stepping-on-sidewalk-cracks, thieving, jaywalking, drug-taking, drug-selling, conniving, swearing, God-hating and spitting-on 23-year-old college student at some decadent state university (WSU?) where she is now biding her evil time studying textile science until Trump can kick her back to a country she can’t remember. We know this because when you start out a criminal, it’s only downhill from there.
Criminals don’t just roll uphill. They aren’t magic.
It is unconscionable that people I can make up stories about how evil they are should remain in this country to have their wickedness impugned relentlessly. As long as we don’t take the trouble to learn anything about individual daca registrants, meaning forever, their presence will always trigger our worst fears. How dare they! That they would make so many cowards so afraid is proof that everything we fear about them is true.
This Maria woman I made up should be ashamed of herself.
Dr. Wes Browning is a one time math professor and three times homeless. He has been involved with Real Change since he supplied the art for the first cover in November of 1994. This is his weekly dry verbal romp of the absurd column, Adventures in Irony.
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