I can’t remember the last time I had a deep thought.
It’s hard to have a deep thought when everything that’s wrong with the world is just so blatantly obvious.
Let’s see. We have federal workers working without pay. We also have a constitutional amendment that says, “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.” What crimes did all those workers get convicted of?
“Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.” Well, get on it, then.
People can’t work for free indefinitely unless you house and feed them so they don’t need money. Housing and feeding your slaves actually costs more than just paying them and letting them take care of the logistics of being housed and fed.
No, the government isn’t going to house and feed their new slaves, because if it could it would have the funding to pay them. So, out of necessity, the slaves will stop working soon.
Last month was heralded as a great month for employment. The country added more than 300,000 new jobs. At the same time, the government created more than 300,000 slaves. You win some, you lose some.
The good news: In another month, you’ll be able to get on a plane without a TSA agent groping you or making you take your shoes off. They’ll all be out looking for work at burger joints.
Trump is now threatening to use emergency powers and have the army build his border wall. Next he’ll have to send the Army into federal prisons to keep them running. Surely nothing can go wrong with militarizing our prisons and airports.
Being forced to think such thoughts prevents me from using my brain to do really important things, like figure out why I can’t learn to touch-type, or why can’t I get a decent bagel in this town?
Speaking of this town, as I am writing this, the Alaskan Way Viaduct has become no more.
Construction of the viaduct began the year I was born, so I am outliving it. Finally, something to feel good about.
A number of my friends say they will miss the viaduct because of the great view they had from it. I always thought that it was best to look where I’m going when driving down a highway, and not at distant mountains or at ferries. Sure, I get it, we’re talking about the view that our passengers could have, not ourselves. But if I’m driving, what do I care what they can gawk at? It’s my car, I’m paying for the insurance, the maintenance, the gas, and I’m doing all the work by driving. Should I care that those deadbeats can see mountains?
Somebody should paint mountains all along the west walls of the tunnel so passengers will have something nice to look at during the drive under Seattle. With water in the foreground. With orcas jumping out of the water in front of ferries, seagulls flying overhead and sea lions on barges. You’ll want to pay to see it. It would be like, the 13th or 14th Wonder of the World.
They’ve planned the transition from the viaduct to the tunnel so that there will be three weeks without either one. Haha. I just said someone planned this. Of course not. It’s just happening.
Someone just recently was telling me that if nothing happened, there wouldn’t be any life. For a second I thought, that might be the deep thought I’ve been waiting to have, and I should be thankful for it. But then I thought again about it and told them to go take that kind of stuff to Facebook or Instagram, or wherever anyone cares. Put it in cursive over a beautiful picture of a snail.
Other minor complaints to live by, and the questions they spawn:
How many times have you heard someone say, “Whatever happens was what was going to have happened?” Find the predictive value in that assertion. So, who will win the Super Bowl?
Another one of those sayings is, “Everything happens for a reason.” I don’t need people telling me that everything has a reason. I need people figuring out what the reasons are, and if they can’t figure out what they are, I really don’t need to know that they exist.
The government shutdown is happening for a reason, and we know his name.
Dr. Wes Browning is a one time math professor who has experienced homelessness several times. He supplied the art for the first cover of Real Change in November of 1994 and has been involved with the organization ever since. This is his weekly column, Adventures in Irony, a dry verbal romp of the absurd.
Read the full Jan. 16 - 22 issue.
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