As I’m sure you all know, having taken the relevant state-required history courses in your elementary and middle schools, the metric system is a communist plot, begun right after the French Revolution by communist French people. They took away the people’s old rulers and forced new rulers on everyone, first in France, and then everywhere else in the world, except Burma, Liberia and the freedom-loving United States of America.
They’ll never take away our Fahrenheit! Freedom degrees forever!
What got me thinking about this was mulling over the Arctic weather data provided online by the Danish Meteorological Institute (DMI), which uses communist Celsius and Kelvin degrees.
As you must remember, President Trump wanted to buy Greenland from Denmark. Upon reflection, it occurs to me that Trump could have simply wanted to save Greenlanders from the commies and let them have feet and inches, pints and ounces again.
I also wonder if he knew what I knew. I discovered about 8 years ago that the DMI has a page that keeps track of average Arctic temperatures, using remote weather stations all around the Arctic, including Greenland and the Faroe Islands. Their data is collected in charts — one for every year, going back to 1958 — showing a year’s temperatures plotted against the past average temperatures for each day. You can go there now and see how 2020’s Arctic temperatures compare to your grandparent’s Arctic temperatures.
Of course, 2020’s Arctic temperatures are generally warmer than the old timer’s Arctic temperatures, which supports the global warming hoax of the communists. So, naturally, President Trump would want to buy Greenland to be able to get rid of all those communist sciency weather stations. The Danes would probably still make their charts, but nobody would believe them anymore because they wouldn’t be able to use their best data.
Anyway, getting back to what started me on this: I have been mulling this year’s chart. There’s a funny thing that’s happened this year having to do with “Arctic summer.”
Arctic summer is a term I personally use to describe the days when Arctic temperatures are above freezing. According to the DMI’s charts, this is generally about 70 days annually, from roughly June 10 to August 20. Absolutely no more than that.
There’s another regular feature of Arctic summers, besides the duration. All the rest of every year, when it’s not Arctic summer, the temperatures fluctuate a lot compared to the averages. Lately the fluctuations tend to be above the averages, but they often drop down, here and there, before bouncing back up. But during the Arctic summers, the temperatures hug the average closely.
This is very reassuring for those of us who worry about runaway global warming. It means that whenever ice starts melting up north, the weather immediately evens out. The fluctuations get dampened. It’s as if the melting accomplishes a giant weather reset.
The funny thing that’s happened this year, 2020, is that Arctic summer didn’t end around August 20. I’m writing this on Aug. 28. Hopefully by the time you read it, on or after Sept. 2, Arctic summer 2020 will have come to an end, but today, just as it was looking like 8/27 would be the end, the curve nosed up above the thaw line again.
This is bad news. It’s just the sort of bad news that Donald Trump would rather you not hear about. Communist-socialist, global-warming-hoax bad news.
You may have noticed a news story about a week ago (on CNN, of course — beware fake news!) in which scientists announced a finding that last year, in 2019, when all the data and calculations were finally totaled up, Greenland’s ice shelf melted more than it had ever been known to melt in any year prior. More than the average melting by a factor of two.
In previous years, the Greenland ice shelf melting was already adding 1 millimeter to the sea level annually. One centimeter per decade, more than six-sixteenths of an American inch. Last year, the extra melting was enough to count for two typical years’ worth of ocean rise.
We probably won’t know how much the Greenland ice shelf this summer will add to sea level until next August, but just the fact that Arctic summer continued on for more than an extra week makes me think 2020 is likely to break 2019’s record.
2020 is really shaping up to be an outstanding year, isn’t it? A watershed year.
Dr. Wes Browning is a one time math professor who has experienced homelessness several times. He supplied the art for the first cover of Real Change in November of 1994 and has been involved with the organization ever since. This is his weekly column, Adventures in Irony, a dry verbal romp of the absurd. He can be reached at drwes (at) realchangenews (dot) org
Read more in the Sept. 2-8, 2020 issue.