I’m writing this from last Friday the Thirteenth. Unlike most people, I like Friday 13thses because I’ve always had good times during them. Ever since I flew a red-eye flight across the country on a Friday 13th and asked specifically for a 13th-row seat and had the whole row to myself, I have known that other people’s superstitions can work in my favor.
Last week I wrote about how funny it’d be if Trump managed to stop the vote count in a state where Biden was out ahead in the count. Well, yesterday Trump’s crack legal team did that on a small scale in Pennsylvania. They got a court to throw out some ballots that hadn’t been counted yet, even without knowing if they might have added to Trump’s percentage in the state. So, since Biden is far ahead there, he will stay just as far ahead without his share of those votes. Fox News called that a big win for Trump.
Trump’s refusal to concede is interesting. It will be fascinating to see how that plays out. Will he have to be carried out of the White House? Or will he go to the inauguration, Bible in hand, and try to re-inaugurate himself, only to return to the White House and find all the locks have been changed?
Here in Washington state, Loren Culp has pulled a Trump by refusing to concede his loss to incumbent Jay Inslee in the governor’s race.
Now, I don’t know for a fact that Culp still hasn’t conceded. All I know is that two days ago, he hadn’t, and I know no major news media is reporting any concession by him since then. That, however, could just mean all the reporters in the state have lost interest in him and aren’t answering his phone calls.
I really hope Culp keeps refusing to concede all the way until the election is certified, just like he has vowed to do, all the while claiming the vote was fraudulent. Washington state needs tricky people like Culp spicing up the politics. This is the kind of politicking I can sit down and enjoy popcorn to.
Whereas Trump actually has a chance of winning Georgia and Arizona after recounts and thereby, with the help of North Carolina, turning Biden’s current 290-217 win into only an embarrassingly smaller win of 279-259, Culp could at best hope to see a 74.14% to 25.54% loss turn into a 63.3% to 36.7% loss, if all the remaining outstanding votes miraculously go to him and only him.
Then Culp would have to prove that some 155,000 ballots were falsely counted for Inslee instead of for him, right under the noses of all the count watchers. It would have required hundreds of counters all through the state, in every county, to pull that off, all crossing out votes for Culp and changing the votes for Inslee, while being watched.
Or what else? They could have used white-out, I suppose. Or they could have torn up those ballots and substituted pre-voted ballots. Sure, that’s the ticket, and no one would have seen the ballots being torn up. Right.
I’m so thankful that Inslee won, because you need a governor who is somewhat realistic and can do basic elementary arithmetic. Try to imagine what sorts of budgets a Governor Culp might propose. “Let’s see — so far, the budget has allocated 25.54% of the available state tax income. That’s over half! I’m close to finishing!”
It’s the principle that matters. He should hold out and refuse to concede until the state certifies he lost. He’s entitled to it, and I want him to hang in there. We don’t need him to be governor, but we do need him to show the people of Washington how to be dreamers again.
Speaking of dreamers, Oregon voters passed a law granting legal access to psilocybin: the active ingredient in magic mushrooms. I think you’ll have to get a prescription from a head doctor, but that can always be arranged. I won’t do it, because I’m sure I don’t need hallucinogens. I’m what they call “a natural.” But I’m happy for the rest of you.
You might like some to stay chill through the coming attempted coup d’état.
Dr. Wes Browning is a one time math professor who has experienced homelessness several times. He supplied the art for the first cover of Real Change in November of 1994 and has been involved with the organization ever since. This is his weekly column, Adventures in Irony, a dry verbal romp of the absurd. He can be reached at drwes (at) realchangenews (dot) org
Read more of the Nov. 18-24, 2020 issue.