Let’s take stock. How many things can I rant about this week?
1. The repeal of Roe v. Wade. In Justice Clarence Thomas’ opinion, it should be just the start. Goodbye same-sex marriage in most of the country. But not in this state. I bet that annoys the hell out of him.
2. The end of the assumption that the right of privacy is granted by the 14th Amendment. Alito’s phony historical arguments have neutered the 14th Amendment. It’s worthless as long as he gets away with his nonsense.
I’ve probably never told you all this before, but I think Alito is a flop. He’s a fool and a tool. I feel much the same way about him as I did about Trump in the summer of 2016. I never wanted to take a stand against any presidential candidate until then. Trump made me do it. Alito has made me denounce a Supreme Court justice.
3. The fact we got this lopsided SCOTUS due to the machinations of Sen. Mitch McConnell and the Orange Buffoon is grounds for a rant all by itself.
4. The very real possibility that millions of Americans will fail to punish the Republicans at the polls this November for continuing to back Trump — even in the face of the repeal of Roe v. Wade and even though Trump tried to end democracy in America and install himself as dictator — is grounds for a screaming rage.
So. When his Secret Service driver wouldn’t drive Trump to the Capitol, Trump thought that all the times he’s been called an orangutan meant he was as strong as one. From the back seat (!), he allegedly tried to wrench the steering wheel away from his driver and strangle him with his one free tiny hand. He couldn’t find the driver’s throat; all he found was the clavicle. Orangutans are stronger and smarter. What an utter fail.
I’m pretty sure that assaulting a Secret Service officer in the line of duty is a federal felony, even if the officer is assigned at the time to protect you. “I assaulted him while he was protecting me” is not an excuse. Try, “I had to attack him in self-defense or he would have saved me from my own self-destructive stupidity.” That might work.
Our president didn’t care that his supporters came to his rally armed to the teeth. “They aren’t here to hurt me.” They just wanted Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Mike Pence, to start with, and then maybe branch out from there. “Who else can we kill?”
Had only his driver taken him to the Capitol, he could have pointed out targets of opportunity. I bet he’s thinking now, “What a dirty rotten driver.” He’s probably trying to figure out how he can get the Secret Service to fire that bastard. He’s probably kicking himself for not getting out of the car and hitching a ride with one of his supporters. (It never would have occurred to him to walk. He can’t even walk on a golf course. He’s a lazy slob.)
Anti-choice Republicans had to know that, aside from promising an end to Roe v. Wade, Trump was a perfect candidate for the lazy-slob-Cinco-de-Mayo-taco-bowl-eating orange antichrist. Now they have what they bargained for. They sold their souls to the devil in return for the one court outcome. They are probably only too happy to see the court follow through by allowing the government to pry into their sex lives in their bedrooms.
Why would they care? What are the odds the government will declare missionary illegal?
5. There is one bit of shiny, bright news in all this gloom. Some moron close to former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows thought it would be smart to warn Cassidy Hutchinson against cooperating with the January 6 Committee. It now appears the committee knows exactly who they are, and they can pass that information, along with the details of the warning, to the Department of Justice. Somebody can go to prison for witness tampering. We can have that much joy.
Well, isn’t this just typical? I’ve got a big long list of things to rant about but now I’m out of space, so I don’t have words left to do the ranting I was planning at the end of it all. I guess I’ll just have to wait until next week to get cranked up.
Read more of the July 6-12, 2022 issue.