Anitra “Who Always Said Rice Was Not a Vegetable” Freeman is excited about her purchase of a bag of mixed wild rice that she called — I heard her say it — “six different kinds of vegetables.” With my own ears. She claims she said “plants.”
I could go on about how everything in the world is either animal, vegetable or mineral and is either bigger than or smaller than a bread box. But what got my attention about all this was that the bag in question had the word “sustainable” prominently written across it.
You can buy and eat this wild rice, and the makers will vegetate more and fill another bag for you to buy and eat. Who knew that was possible? I did! Because they’re vegetables, and they can be vegetated! Or, in this case, revegetated for posterity!
While we’re talking about sustainability: this column is sustainable. They just keep coming. We never run out, in spite of repeated warnings from columnologists.
There is a hitch in my get-along, though. Since about 2011, I’ve written these things between the hours of 4 a.m. and 9 a.m. the Friday before the paper prints. Unfortunately, there’s a shortage in the supply of funny news these days. To adapt, I’m going to have to start writing on Thursdays, also. This may be experienced by some as an uptick in fiber content. I hope nobody minds.
This brings us to the subject of New Year’s resolutions. The New Year is coming up. I have resolutions for the occasion. For one, I am resolving to be more sustainable, personally. I will eat at least one turnip in 2023. Most likely grated, raw, with a dash of Italian dressing and no sweeteners.
Drama. I want 2023 to be the year that I finally try to make friends with drama.
I’ve never been a fan of drama, but I’m beginning to see plus sides to it. For example, it is almost impossible to get people to care about politics. No one wants to know what the City Council is doing at any given minute. But that would change in a heartbeat if people started to think of the City Council like “Days of Our Lives” or “As the World Turns.”
Seattle Channel dot org needs to improve its production value a little. More closeups. Violins. More tissue papers. Better commercials. Entertain me. We’re paying the ensemble enough. I will do my share by appreciating what drama there is more than I have in the past.
Anitra has found a new description for me. She says I’m a Sigma Male. As I gather, it isn’t about the shape of my colon, it just means I go my own way and don’t give a rat’s patootie about the ways others are going. There is truth to this, but I could still benefit from watching how other peoples’ ways get them mired in drama up to their waist.
In every City Council episode, someone should fall into a coma and wake up not knowing who they are. An audience member should win a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax or laundry detergent or be reunited with a long-lost loved one.
In spite of the worldwide shortage of funny news, there was something this morning worth noting. It’s not really funny, although some of us might find it mildly amusing. Anyway, the company MSG Entertainment, which happens to own such going ventures as Radio City Music Hall and New York’s Madison Square Garden sports arena, is now using facial recognition technology to identify and bar lawyers from their events who have been involved in legal proceedings against the owners of the company.
So a 44-year-old lawyer took her daughter’s Girl Scout troop to Radio City Music Hall, expecting the kids would get to see the Rockettes, and was evicted from the premises.
I didn’t see in the article whether the Girl Scouts were also tossed out. That would have been a fine dramatic touch. Comedy, but in the older sense of Dante. Which ring of hell should Girl Scouts who follow lawyers to see the Rockettes belong in? I’m guessing the Eighth Circle, where the frauds and their cronies belong. The American Civil Liberties Union did protest the abuse of face recognition technology, Perhaps they should be sent there, as well. Without any dinner.
Read more of the Dec. 28, 2022-Jan. 3, 2023 issue.