My husband Michael and I had been adventuring in a new city, spending the day walking, checking out the sights and visiting food trucks.
Now dark, I could feel my excited energy pushing against the tired call of bedtime. But I was having trouble turning off my mind that exclaimed, More. More fun! More new. More!
“Hey, let’s go check out that Cuban music bar Haley told us about,” I suggested.
The look on his face gave me his answer — no. I knew he was tired. I was too. But it was our last night here.
“Come on!” I tried to rouse him. But all I felt was his resistance.
I was disappointed. Sad. Frustrated. Afraid of missing out on this awesome, last-night opportunity.
I wanted to blame him for not mustering the energy. I wanted to make him feel bad for not doing what I wanted him to do. And I desperately wanted him to change his mind.
I knew I had a choice to make: keep feeling more bummed out, continuing to blame my beloved husband or honor his feelings, his choice of what was best for him. Could I let the music bar thing go and find something that worked best for both of us?
I hate feeling disappointed.
I think most of us do. It’s like a punch in the gut, being told “no,” not having what we want and need the way we want and need it.
The truth is, disappointment is a part of life, of being human. Because we all want and need different things at different times. Because sometimes the resources to access what we want simply aren’t there in the moment. Because maybe the Universe just seems to have a different plan.
There was a time I stopped asking for, even stopped dreaming about, what I wanted in order to avoid disappointment. I felt so tired of being denied. Then, I started to shrink in despair — not allowing myself to want meant not having any hope, and no hope had me feeling trapped.
Eventually, I realized that the despair that was becoming me was worse than feeling disappointed. I needed my wants and hopes. I needed to believe that what I wanted could come true if I was patient, even if I was told “no” many times along the way. I needed this hope to feel alive in myself.
Back now to our new city adventure. Just as I stopped blaming Michael for not wanting to go out, accepted his “no” and found peace in looking forward to our travels the next day, he got up from the chair, a smile on his face, put his shoes on and said, “Let’s go!”
Piper Lauri Salogga is a transformational coach, writer and teacher supporting her clients in co-creating love within themselves and with each other. Find her work at beautyofbeinghuman.com.
Read more of the July 12-18, 2023 issue.