I was surprised to learn recently that the U.S. Census Bureau is now studying how religious U.S. residents are. It was announced this week that Seattle is the least religious large metropolitan area in the country. The measure of “not religious” is what percentage of people either never go to a place of worship or do so only once a year. Seattle is close to 64% by that measure.
I think it may have something to do with the Seattle freeze. If I go to a church, someone might try to strike up a conversation with me before or after the service. A fate worse than eternal hellfire.
I like churches as buildings, but when there are people in them, they lose all their charm for me. I think the last “church” I attended was Temple de Hirsch Sinai. I was asked to appear there as part of a panel of formerly homeless people, and then we were invited to attend the service after that. It was OK, but I didn’t want to overdo it.
I don’t talk about my religious views here because it’s pointless. They are uncategorizable. My first religious experiences consisted of learning Hawaiian prayer chants to minor Hawaiian deities, and in the 71 years, since my connection with religion has gotten less and less relatable.
Christians are into three gods in one. I like nested gods, like Russian dolls.
A big surprise in the Seattle Times article regarding the Census Bureau’s survey is that Washington as a whole is almost exactly as nonreligious as Seattle is. We’ve always been led to believe people in small towns and rural districts are significantly more religious, but that doesn’t seem to hold for this state. Maybe the distance to the nearest church is too far or the nearest church is the wrong brand or whatever. I’m not up on the latest lingo. Is the Counter-Reformation still a thing? I’m a bit out of touch.
Another factor at work may be substitutes. If you really want to join people in eating and drinking, there are bars, cafes and diners for that. Some of my best ecumenical experiences have been at diners in small towns in this state. Great memories are made of these: diners in Sedro Woolley, Methow and Twisp, plus the great Mar-T in North Bend, where director David Lynch must have had a William Jamesian peak experience.
As I’ve said often before, Jesus left some things out of the Passover dinner speech. There should have been not only bread and wine but also raw fish and mighty fine cherry pie. All of these are divine metaphors. Isn’t that religion? What else is better?
There aren’t enough good metaphors these days because all are usurped by corporations. Take bread: “work of human hands.” Uh, not so much now; it’s almost all mass produced and packaged by huge corporations I won’t name, but they’re usually the same ones that bring you peanut butter and pet food.
The main exception so far is sashimi, or raw fish. Corporations haven’t yet managed to stamp their brands on raw fish. There’s no such thing as Kraft raw red tuna. But it will happen someday. I give it at most five years.
I think corporate power and influence are the biggest drag on religiosity in the world today. It used to be that the intermediaries were priests. Now they are brands. This was prefigured by the huge proliferation of Protestant sects. There used to be one (Catholic) church. It was to churches what French bread was to bread — i.e., it was bread. Then you got different kinds of bread. Then you got different brands of bread. And the next thing you know there’s nothing special about bread, so why am I going to church to eat one ordinary unleavened wafer that’s not even made by Hostess?
The diners I was talking about before all had scrambled eggs, hash browns, toast and link sausages. Now, chances are if you want a breakfast, you have to get it at a McDonald’s, and the egg and sausage is part of a McMuffin, and the bread might as well be hardtack. There’s no such thing as a McGod.
I don’t know. Maybe McGod is what we need. McGod, McJesus and McHoly Spirit. At least you’ll always know what you’re getting: a McDonald’s product.
Dr. Wes is the Real Change Circulation Specialist, but, in addition to his skills with a spreadsheet, he writes this weekly column about whatever recent going-ons caught his attention. Dr. Wes has contributed to the paper since 1994. Curious about his process or have a response to one of his columns? Connect with him at [email protected].
Read more of the March 6–12, 2024 issue.