Back when I was active on Twitter, I would often find myself arguing with transphobes — specifically of the TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) variety — and they would tend to say it all came down to trans people wanting more than was fair, more than what everyone else got. I would say, “No, we want fair treatment and rights.”
We want our names and pronouns used, we want gender-affirming health care — we want to be respected. A transphobe would shoot back saying I already have that, specifically access to that care. But the thing is… do I?
Ever since I came out as trans, I keep coming across institutional barriers to services and care I see cis people receive quite easily in most cases. And I know I’m not the only trans person with these stories.
Have you ever had an elective surgery? Maybe had something about yourself surgically modified? Say hair plugs, breast reduction, tummy tuck, even leg lengthening. These types of gender-affirming care are common for cis people, and when they decide to pursue that option, the road is pretty much wide-open for them. Sure, insurance probably doesn’t cover it, but it’s not like they need to convince a surgeon or a mental health professional.
Not like trans people. In the state of Washington, the law states, “for top surgery with or without chest reconstruction, the agency requires only one comprehensive psychosocial evaluation.” Only one! That’s not bad, considering most other surgical procedures for trans people require “two psychosocial evaluations.” Why are trans people forced to undergo evaluations to prove they want what they say they want? I know I questioned myself far more than the mental health professional I saw did; luckily, they believed me when I said I wanted surgery and didn’t force me to jump through additional hoops by constructing a story I thought would be amenable.
I still had to fight my insurance, of course. Washington law requires health insurance companies to cover gender-affirming care, which is a blessing, but that doesn’t mean they have to make it easy. I went back and forth with Cigna for months after it mistakenly coded my surgeon as out of network. While I finally got the company to fix its mistake, two years later Cigna pulled back some of the payment and plopped me into insurance hell again, this time when I was no longer in its network so it was even less interested in helping. Both times, I eventually got the issue resolved only by publicly complaining on social media.
Having to continually be your own advocate is exhausting. Recently, I was waiting for LA Fitness to decide if it could update my account so my name was correct. I joined years ago and then rejoined recently, but the gym defaulted to my old account, which for complicated reasons couldn’t have the name changed. When I asked for the account to be deleted so we can start again, the associate asked me if it was for insurance reasons or “just because I wanted it.”
I have to wonder if I had gotten married and wanted my last name changed, would it be this hard? I still have my old name on multiple credit cards, because I don’t feel like mailing copies of personal documents to various companies just to prove that I’m still me. Most days, I’m strong enough to ignore the sting of being deadnamed by my own wallet. But sometimes it’s too much; sometimes I want to live in a world that doesn’t pretend I’m not here. I shouldn’t have to jump through all these hoops and perform all these dances to confirm that I really, truly, honestly am and always will be Henry.
During June, corporations and businesses cover their facades with rainbows and glitter to “champion” Pride month. But underneath, we know biases exist. We’ve seen so-called allies take the easy way out if they can. We know systems default to “normal” and that it’s usually not people in the LGBTQ+ community who get to define what normal is.
All we want is what’s fair.
Ultimately, when it came to LA Fitness, after talking to customer service and gym employees a literal seven different times and continuing to get the runaround, I broke. I gave up. I accepted the system isn’t built with people like me in mind, and I withdrew. I’m joining a new gym, without as many amenities, but sometimes the system wins. Honestly, most of the time. That’s what makes it the system.
The problem isn’t really that my old name displayed on a few screens whenever I would check into the gym. The problem is that the systems of the world we currently live in aren’t built for anything but the narrow normal. And there are people in this world who want to keep it that way. We call them conservatives because they want to conserve change. They want to maintain things as they are because of the way the system excludes and harms, not despite it. We see the types of legislation and ideas that get brought forward by the Brian Heywoods, the Mitch McConnells and the Glenn Becks of the world. The goal is to harm.
Donald Trump has already talked about the harm he would do to my community, making clear his intention to remove access to gender-affirming health care for youth on Medicaid. He’s also implied he wants to eradicate all mention of transness from schools. If he’s elected, Trump will once again be in charge of the entire system. What harm will he enact this time? Where does this end?
I’ve been fairly lucky when it comes to being attacked for my gender identity and presentation. Most of it’s been relegated to online or at least digital spaces, and even unsupportive people tend to be respectful when face to face. However, as politics continue to swirl ever more polluted and the system more snarled, I get scared of what the future has in store for me and my fellow trans people.
I know we’ll hold each other up, as we always have done, but I worry that, like the uninterested customer service representatives, no one else will care.
Henry Behrens is the Arts Editor of Real Change. They handle the arts coverage and design the weekly print paper. Contact them at [email protected].
Read more of the June 26-July 2, 2024 issue.