Homeless people and unicorns can come in all kinds

Jobs, Journalism, Justice

Dr. Wes is the Real Change Circulation Specialist, but, in addition to his skills with a spreadsheet, he writes this weekly column about whatever recent going-ons caught his attention. Dr. Wes has contributed to the paper since 1994. Curious about his process or have a response to one of his columns? Connect with him at [email protected].

Articles by Dr. Wes Browning

Bruce Harrell will also not let any elephants run free

By Dr. Wes Browning | June 22, 2022

The New York Supreme Court has ruled that Happy, one of two remaining elephants at the Bronx Zoo, has no right to the protection of the writ of habeas corpus, as Happy is not a human.

Maybe she should incorporate. ...

I don’t actually hate insects

By Dr. Wes Browning | June 15, 2022

Oh no. CNN is reporting a worldwide Sriracha shortage. I am afraid that the climate conditions that have led to this shortage may also lead to shortages of other hot sauces. Life is looking bleak. I need my hot sauces. I need my ground cayenne peppers, my ground ghost peppers, my Spanish hot paprika. I need my hot sauces. If my supplies end, I will die a thousand deaths before I die the last one. ...

My source tells me human-to-snail reincarnation is actually transmigration

By Dr. Wes Browning | June 8, 2022

Monkeypox, new COVID-19 variants, new surges and new mass shootings. I saw a headline that said this country has had 200 mass shootings this year, so far. If true, that’s about one every 18 hours. It’s altogether too much to understand. This is one of the reasons I stopped racking my brains looking for answers to real world problems and started to think about classic philosophy problems.

Yesterday, Anitra “Starfleet Ensign” Freeman reminded me of the problem of teleporters. ...

Oh yes, and we have rent to pay

By Dr. Wes Browning | June 1, 2022

People often ask me, “Wes, you’re so poor. How could I pretend to be a cool poor person and eat like you?”

At my poorest, I ate nothing for three weeks. I lost 25 pounds in a condition known scientifically as “starvation.” I had three pennies but couldn’t buy any food with them. ...

Of papaya juice, dark humor, and philosophical conundrums

By Dr. Wes Browning | May 25, 2022

The national baby formula shortage prompts me to tell a fun story of my own problem with mother’s milk — and fake mother’s milk — when I was starting out in life more than 72 years ago.

Pretty soon after I was born, I started rejecting my mother’s milk. This caused some strain in the relationship, naturally: Mom didn’t appreciate being physically rejected. But I was throwing up, and no one likes throw-up and cleaning up after throw-up, so an effort was made to accommodate me by switching me to some kind of formula.

Which also made me throw up. ...

Speaking relativistically: My editor told me to write ‘local.’ What does that mean in Seattle?

By Dr. Wes Browning | May 18, 2022

I learned so much about how the world works from this one incident. My father was playing golf with his boss. This was 1960; I was 11. I was drafted to be Dad’s caddy. I was supposed to, among other things, keep my eyes on the ball and lead Dad to it. ...

Too many loud dancing fairies around here

By Dr. Wes Browning | May 11, 2022

OK, we know what we’re writing about this week, don’t we?

Yes. We’re writing about the Supreme Court’s leaked pre-decision decision to decide to overturn Roe v. Wade. I don’t have to read the rest of the news. Ukraine? What?

My first reaction hearing about this pre-decision decision is that the judges writing it can’t do that. You can’t pre-decide a case that hasn’t been heard yet.

“I protest,” I announced, fervently. ...

Never study philosophy; you’ll end up knowing nothing, like that Socrates guy

By Dr. Wes Browning | May 4, 2022

I belong to at least one too many philosophy groups on Facebook. The study of philosophy is a bad idea even when done right, but when you do it by reading what Facebook users have to say about it, you can permanently break your brain. ...

Nothing inherently wrong with chimps painting in watercolors

By Dr. Wes Browning | April 27, 2022

In the spring of 1995, Real Change decided to hold a Bad Art Show to raise money for the paper, which was then less than a year old. People would be invited to submit bad art, which could be anything. It could be original bad art; it could be bought at a thrift store or a Woolworth; it could be rescued from a Dumpster; it could be a watercolor by a chimpanzee. We would raise the money for Real Change by auctioning off the art and retaining the proceeds.

I recall some proud bidder walking away with a portrait of Elvis executed in colored macaroni. ...