Trump is now a 34-times convicted felon. Lock him up! Lock him up!
See what I did there? I spoke to the irony of his current situation.
The news from New York: He was found guilty on all 34 felony counts, as decided unanimously by the 12 jurors on all the counts. This news came about 12 hours ago for me, so I’ve only had 12 hours to absorb this turn of events. So far, I see a lot of people saying, “Now what?”
A lot of people are wondering if he’ll go to prison. My guess is he’ll get house arrest for a reasonable length of time. I can’t imagine the judge simply fining him. Oh, there will be a fine, sure. But for someone who can always get money from rich people, even when he’s tapped out, a fine doesn’t amount to much.
Personally, I’d like Trump to get prison time. He wanted Obama and Hillary Clinton jailed, even though they weren’t guilty of anything. He should get the jail time he wished for his political opponents. But there are reasons why that might not work out. For example, what should the Secret Service do while Trump is in prison? Will they have to join him in his cell? Does he get a whole suite of cells to accommodate them?
Rikers Island is still available. Instead of shutting it down, maybe they could rename it the “Trump East River Prison” and let him and the Secret Service have a big swath of it, complete with golden toilets and a two-hole golf course he could ride back and forth on to get all the exercise he’s used to. He won’t need a library, so that frees up some space.
One question that’s been raised is if he will be able to vote in the 2024 general election. You know, being a felon and all.
Well he’s registered to vote in Florida, so Florida law should apply. But Florida will defer to New York state. New York says it will allow him to vote, provided he’s not in prison at the time of the election. Maybe Judge Merchan will take that into consideration in the sentencing.
It’s funny to me that Trump begged Georgia election officials for 11,780 more votes in 2020, and this time he could end up begging for one vote. A little schadenfreude there.
From what I’ve read so far about it, the most Trump could get is a $170,000 fine and 20 years in prison. For a big fan of dictators, like he is, that wouldn’t be very harsh compared to the fate of so many of his heroes.
Trump isn’t the worst defendant in the world. A man in Michigan had his driver’s license revoked and wanted to get it back. He had a court date on May 15, which he drove to … without a license. While driving to the court, he logged onto the court’s Zoom meeting, driving and looking for a place to park. The judge was stunned. The man illegally driving only gradually realized he blew it.
I’m thinking that, around the time of his sentencing on July 11, Trump may start to realize that personally attacking the judge in the New York case may have been ill-advised.
While we’re on the subject of slowly waking up: What’s the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? He now says he longs for the days when men were real men. He actually said he misses dominant masculinity. Dominant over whom? Each other? Women? Some 99-pound weaklings on a beach? What exactly is he reaching for, and does he know he’s angling to get his fingers rapped? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In the right hands, masochism can be a virtue. He could be president someday.
Speaking of domination, masculine or otherwise: New research suggests Neanderthals disappeared because of viruses, including herpes, that they contracted from Homo sapiens.
In the past, it’s been supposed Neanderthals just couldn’t compete with Homo sapiens. Or Homo sapiens fought and killed them off. But now the idea is that the dominance of Homo sapiens was thanks to more exposure to multiple viruses, which gave us the chance to develop immunities before encountering Neanderthals. The Neanderthals weren’t dominated by Homo Sapiens; they were dominated by herpes and cold viruses.
Dr. Wes is the Real Change Circulation Specialist, but, in addition to his skills with a spreadsheet, he writes this weekly column about whatever recent going-ons caught his attention. Dr. Wes has contributed to the paper since 1994. Curious about his process or have a response to one of his columns? Connect with him at [email protected].
Read more of the June 5–11, 2024 issue.