Law of Occam’s razor says Homeland Security’s Wolf is lying

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Dr. Wes Browning is a one time math professor who has experienced homelessness several times. He supplied the art for the first cover of Real Change in November of 1994 and has been involved with the organization ever since. This is his weekly column, Adventures in Irony, a dry verbal romp of the absurd. He can be reached at drwes@realchangenews.org.

Articles by Dr. Wes Browning

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And robots. Fear them

By Dr. Wes Browning | September 30, 2020

Some cheerleading is in order. There’s little chance the national election will come down to one state locked in recounting votes, as in Florida in 2000. The most likely scenario is that by Nov. 20 or so, after mail-in ballots have been counted everywhere they need to be, the electoral college tally will be clearly for one candidate, and there won’t be grounds for appeal to the Supreme Court to overturn any state’s determination of their results. ...

Hey! What does history have to do with what has happened?

By Dr. Wes Browning | September 23, 2020

As usual, President Donald J. Trump has said something that deeply annoys me. I tried to resist making the whole column about what Trump said, so I looked around for anything else in the news I could grasp at and found a headline that quotes Helena Bonham Carter saying kissing Woody Allen is like kissing the Berlin Wall: a statement not only about Woody Allen, but also inherently Woody Allen-esque. Tasked with kissing him for a 1995 movie scene, something must have rubbed off. ...

When you turn a light on, where does the dark go?

By Dr. Wes Browning | September 16, 2020

Trump’s interviews with Bob Woodward remind me that I haven’t talked about stupidology in a long time.

Stupidology is the science of stupid. I discovered its subject matter primarily by observing it introspectively, although I have observed plenty of it in the wild. I have discovered that stupid is more common than smart and, therefore, it’s wise to learn how to harness it for good. ...

In praise of the Great Seattle Freeway-Eastlake Avenue March

By Dr. Wes Browning | September 9, 2020

Lately, I’ve been feeling older than ever.

Whatever happened to “nonviolent” protests? Didn’t there used to be nonviolent protests? Or am I having a senior moment?

It seems like nonviolent protests have all turned into merely peaceful protests. There’s a difference, right? ...

Greenland remains with no Trump Tower. 2020 has not been a water-shed, yet

By Dr. Wes Browning | September 2, 2020

As I’m sure you all know, having taken the relevant state-required history courses in your elementary and middle schools, the metric system is a communist plot, begun right after the French Revolution by communist French people. They took away the people’s old rulers and forced new rulers on everyone, first in France, and then everywhere else in the world, except Burma, Liberia and the freedom-loving United States of America.

They’ll never take away our Fahrenheit! Freedom degrees forever! ...

Shoulds don’t always happen, and certainly not for newspaper circulation in 2020

By Dr. Wes Browning | August 26, 2020

Insert column here: Aug. 26, 2020

When I write one of these, I always open up a blank, new Google Doc, title it based on the upcoming issue date using an absurd code that annoys everyone, Americans and Europeans alike (month-year-day haha), and then write “Insert column here:” in the top line. That way, I’ve already got started and I feel hopeful about the progress I’m making. Three words already, only 747 to go. ...

If the Postal Service can deliver campaign flyers, they can get my mail-in ballot in on time

By Dr. Wes Browning | August 19, 2020

President Donald Trump has already resurrected birtherism for Kamala Harris. I hope he takes it to the Supreme Court and gets trounced. It’s going to be hard to make the case that someone born in Oakland, California, isn’t a citizen. The only way that could work would be if Trump evidenced that one of her parents was a foreign diplomat and her family was sheltered at the time from U.S. laws by diplomatic immunity.

Right — and I’m not really a U.S. citizen, because my father was a high-ranking visiting dignitary from Proxima Centauri. (Actually, that would explain a lot.) ...

My first time writing longer than a tweet on my cell phone. A disjointed world on a little screen

By Dr. Wes Browning | August 12, 2020

I rarely read novels and I think it shows in the way I write. I appreciate the concept of novels and I’m glad there are people out there taking the effort to churn them out, but why should I have to be one of the ones wading through them? Why can’t other people carry out that duty? From each according to their blah, blah, to each according to their other blah, blah. ...

To the Seattle Police Department, every day is the 4th of July

By Dr. Wes Browning | August 5, 2020

I never go to police riots anymore. There was a time when if I heard there was a police riot goin’ on, I simply had to be there to see it with my own eyes. It was like going birding. “There’s a scarlet tanager where? I can be there in ten minutes! To the bat cave!” Now I’m just too old to grab the binoculars and run across town to see stuff I could just as easily enjoy from home on YouTube. ...